Julia
New Member
Posts: 38 
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Post by Julia on Sept 19, 2016 20:40:01 GMT
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Post by Charlie Allison on Sept 20, 2016 0:11:44 GMT
On it! Will have something to you as soon as possible, with line notes. So glad you're writing, I've missed your wry wit  |
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Post by eldercheese on Sept 25, 2016 22:01:50 GMT
Its a tricky thing but personally I don't think you cross the line of making light of the the very serious issue of sexual harassment.
The story is amusing and well paced
it feels very slice of life, the stakes are very real but at the same time very small on a grad scale.
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Post by Charlie Allison on Sept 27, 2016 14:54:14 GMT
Pipette Caper Charlies Line Notesfor Junia.pdf (71.3 KB) Julia: I really enjoyed this work. It's fast paced, tight, and witty--all good so far. You have a flair for contrasts and subversions in your text, and your character knows it. Strengths of the work: -Deadpan humor (as a non-scientist, I still found this hilarious and an easy, entertaining read) -Presumably, art imitating experience re: pipettes which moves nicely into -Scarcity determining value--pipettes as a thing to be acquired only happens when ol' Professor Goodie loses his main grant and is forced to use draconian measures on basic lab equipment to stay under budget. Things I would consider adding: -As mentioned above, this is a very fast work. It's under 10 pages (this is good! There is so much going on in this story) so no details are wasted. However, this can mean that some of your 'whammiest' lines can get lost in the cascading upwards escalation of the plot. i've marked this in the line notes, but maybe inserting 'beat' sentences will allow the reader to take a brief moment to appreciate the whirling escalator of inter-lab madness just a little more? As to your concerns about harassment and breaking and entering--I'm happy to say that they are groundless. Sexual harassment isn't treated as humorous in and of itself. The professor involved is never really portrayed as a role model or sympathetically, and really has dug his own grave--making the trashing of his office by his ex-wife karmically deserved and hilarious. See line notes for more details! Great work Julia--can't wait to read more--again, sorry for the delay in feedback Charlie
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