Portia and the Inspector

[Charlie Allison]

PORTIA AND THE INSPECTOR.pdf (72.51 KB)

So this is my attempt to worldbuild and connect the dots. Right now, I just really need to patch some plot holes--I submit this to my MFA by midnight If any of you guys could take a look I'd very much appreciate it.

[eldercheese]

Sorry I have been quiet the past few days you know things have been hectic. I'll give this aq look over tonight maybe while we are working. I'll also throw up the edits you helped me with in Rain Scars. Thanks again for the quick edits on that now maybe it wont be a train wreck to read

[justin1023]

Oct 23, 2016 13:42:15 GMT Charlie Allison said:

So this is my attempt to worldbuild and connect the dots. Right now, I just really need to patch some plot holes--I submit this to my MFA by midnight If any of you guys could take a look I'd very much appreciate it.

Sorry I didn't get to this before you submitted it to workshop for class. But I think there's value in you getting feedback in both places since MFA workshops can get lost in the weeds sometimes. 

So to add to the feedback I've already provided, I wanted to say the fact that you did not show Portia ninja-attacking people like an archetypal assassin is what makes her wonderful. You avoid any clichés that way. So please, please don't try to amp up the action. I love the thrill of the hunt, and I love the fact that the Inpsector—despite his brother knowing—doesn't know who Portia is.