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Post by justin1023 on Nov 1, 2016 15:17:47 GMT
This is a story I'm considering submitting for my next workshop submission for my MFA, but I'm hoping you all can take a look first. Charlie (and anyone else who has started reading my novel) will know the character in this story  Thanks in advance all! Attachments:InAnotherLife.pdf (77.35 KB)
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Post by Charlie Allison on Nov 3, 2016 20:27:02 GMT
ON IT! Will have feedback soon |
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Post by Charlie Allison on Nov 8, 2016 2:15:11 GMT
This is a story I'm considering submitting for my next workshop submission for my MFA, but I'm hoping you all can take a look first. Charlie (and anyone else who has started reading my novel) will know the character in this story Thanks in advance all! "Finnegan had always respected any creature that seemed to find sleep a useless waste of time, and the seagulls were no exception." I love this quote and many others in this story. I've talked to Justin about some of the plot points but this one stands above them all as a central theme: Finnegan is a bastard. This catches him relatively early in his bastard career but gives him a bit more depth. He's a career criminal and he's kind of an asshat. But Justin writes the scenes with aplomb and tact. Questions: So why didn’t he kill Brian? Sentiment (hinted at—but how much sentiment can you have for a man who just dry-fired an empty revolver at your face? A man who knows where you and your family lives, your routines—an ambitious man you just let live?) This is somewhat justified by Finnegan noting later that "But Finnegan’s old friend shut down at the slightest inconvenience." This still is quite a gamble, for someone who by his own admission is not a 'gambling man'. I'm not saying that Brian HAS to end up dead, but we should see a little bit more of his logic in beating him half-to-death rather than simply murdering him--this is a character who just shot a business partner in cold blood, so this seeming mercy feels a bit dissonant when being read. Maybe a 'get out of my sight, out of this city' line would be useful to add--it would at least intimidate Brian enough to make sure he doesn't back to the warehouse to discover the evidence before Jeannie does. Presumably, nobody but Finnegan and Essie know about Jeannie or else this story would be a whole lot shorter. In Another Life Charlies Line Notes.pdf (99.3 KB) |
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