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Post by Charlie Allison on Dec 28, 2016 14:42:51 GMT
Grand Gator Story d.1.pdf (107.78 KB) This is my first attempt at a stand-alone Grand Gator story--there are things that need to be further developed, I know--how luck and magic works in Wolfward, the Gator's own end-game, but here we all are. I was going for a frenetic, whimsical tone with this piece--to contrast it to some of the grimmer and more serious pieces I've written lately. Feedback appreciated! Charlie
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Post by eldercheese on Jan 1, 2017 23:30:59 GMT
Ok so I'm going to download this to read to you... right now!
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Post by justin1023 on Jan 2, 2017 19:46:58 GMT
This is my first attempt at a stand-alone Grand Gator story--there are things that need to be further developed, I know--how luck and magic works in Wolfward, the Gator's own end-game, but here we all are. I was going for a frenetic, whimsical tone with this piece--to contrast it to some of the grimmer and more serious pieces I've written lately. Feedback appreciated! Charlie You almost made it the whole way without Reinhart showing up  Almost! I enjoyed having gator star through this whole story. You did a great job building his world. What I mean by that is that we've seen Wolfward before, but not from the Grand Gator's perspective. It's different right. Too him, things must be custom made. He's not a known species, but a creation. It's interesting to see this perspective, and I think it's well done. I have some suggestions, as you said since there are things that need to be further developed. First, explore the conflict in this story deeper. Is there any? As it stands now, Grand Gator has a deal with Cat-eyed Man to allow him to avoid death and have luck in these battles. Collection of payment seems to simply be Cat-eyed Man's winnings from the bets. Let me know if I'm missing anything. Grand Gator's luck almost runs out in the final battle, but it doesn't. So, is the conflict that if Grand Gator fights again, he will finally die? Is the conflict that Gator suggests retirement to Cat-eyed Man? That would be an interesting one since the Cat-eyed Man is so heavily invested in Gator's winning. The story ends a bit anti-climactically because I'm not sure what the conflict is supposed to be. Which leads me to my next topic... Is this really stand alone? I know you said in your preface that this was a crack at a stand alone Gator story. Perhaps you meant, a story featuring Gator as the protagonist? Right now, this doesn't feel entirely stand alone. We're introduced to the Captain, and the story ends from Cat-eyed Man's perspective. It ends as if a new mission is beginning for the Cat-eyed Man while we leave Gator behind. Which is fine. Just not entirely stand alone, you know? If this is intended to be stand alone, I'd like to see more about why Gator made his original deal with Cat-eyed Man. Was he down on his luck, nearing the end of his career, back up against a wall? How did they meet, why was the deal struck, and why does Gator seem oblivious to there being a deal at all? Finally, one quick idea that plays into Gator's personality. He is exuberant, and the exclamation marks make sense for him. What if you remove all exclamation marks in dialogue, besides the ones from Gator? That makes his character and his personality stand out more, I think. Good stuff here, man! I hope this helps! |
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Post by eldercheese on Jan 2, 2017 20:21:32 GMT
Well I am looking forward to seeing the end of this story tonight when we hang out. I would say more here but we have been talking in person a lot about this story so I guess I'm just making noise here to be heard  |
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Almost! 