Post by Charlie Allison on May 26, 2017 23:32:43 GMT
MENTLEGEN!
It warms my wizened and black heart that you all pitched in on such short notice! Julia, its a pleasure to see you back on the boards. Welcome, Abi, Vee, Justin.
I can't thank you guys enough for your feedback. Abi, you made a great point about emphasizing the show-don't-tell surprise/terror reaction.
Justin, you gave me some killer ideas about structure and where I choose to direct the audience's attention via Augusta, as well as encouraging me (Along with Julia and everyone else) to minimize a factor that doesn't work anyway: the time-traveller angle was largely put on a shelf--but not so much that the judges of the contest I'm submitting this to (who admit that they hold faithfuless to Mythos Canon sacrosanct and judge accordingly) won't get it.
Vee, I tried to bring in the house as a secondary location--invoking some night-time terror.
Julia, I loved the idea and phrasing behind 'cubicle farm'. I wish I could have wiggled it in there somehow. But I did try to make the memo a fitting end to the story.
I've been keeping abreast of your comments and have a second draft ready. While I'm here, I wanted to propose an alteration to the schedule. Monday-Friday we weekly review, ja? But we're all busy and getting second drafts out is hard--so when we have them out, we should display them. I'm floating the idea of, if you've made changes to your reviewed work during the feedback period, don't be afraid to post it in your response to the feedback--there's no extra credit any more, bt it would be nice to see the differences between drafts, don't you think?
Can't wait for next week! Thank you all so much for stepping up!
Oh, and I killed the shit out of the Chalmers document.
Charlie
[/Tindalos Inc. V2..pdf (64.08 KB)font]
It warms my wizened and black heart that you all pitched in on such short notice! Julia, its a pleasure to see you back on the boards. Welcome, Abi, Vee, Justin.
I can't thank you guys enough for your feedback. Abi, you made a great point about emphasizing the show-don't-tell surprise/terror reaction.
Justin, you gave me some killer ideas about structure and where I choose to direct the audience's attention via Augusta, as well as encouraging me (Along with Julia and everyone else) to minimize a factor that doesn't work anyway: the time-traveller angle was largely put on a shelf--but not so much that the judges of the contest I'm submitting this to (who admit that they hold faithfuless to Mythos Canon sacrosanct and judge accordingly) won't get it.
Vee, I tried to bring in the house as a secondary location--invoking some night-time terror.
Julia, I loved the idea and phrasing behind 'cubicle farm'. I wish I could have wiggled it in there somehow. But I did try to make the memo a fitting end to the story.
I've been keeping abreast of your comments and have a second draft ready. While I'm here, I wanted to propose an alteration to the schedule. Monday-Friday we weekly review, ja? But we're all busy and getting second drafts out is hard--so when we have them out, we should display them. I'm floating the idea of, if you've made changes to your reviewed work during the feedback period, don't be afraid to post it in your response to the feedback--there's no extra credit any more, bt it would be nice to see the differences between drafts, don't you think?
Can't wait for next week! Thank you all so much for stepping up!
Oh, and I killed the shit out of the Chalmers document.
Charlie
[/Tindalos Inc. V2..pdf (64.08 KB)font]
