Post by Charlie Allison on Jun 30, 2017 20:44:58 GMT
Guys--I'm speechless. You really came through for me in a major way. I can't articulate how happy I am how much you guys stepped up to the plate (to borrow a sports metaphor from Justin) and gave me solid advice.
Here is what I submitted (So line notes are unnecessary--I'm sure I fucked up but don't need to point it out).
Wrongness in the Water SMF.docx (494.25 KB)
Here's the TL;DR version of the changes in the second draft:
1. Monica Thornburough. She initiates the relationship with Antoine and has a good idea of what's going on with him although chooses to avoid being involved or preventing it--read: she has autonomy (as pointed out by Abi, Julia and Justin--unfortunately Abi, I put her and Antoine in a FWB situation to explain their constant exposure to each other--and to her lack of emotional reaction to his slow transformation--and as a Mayanist, she would realize the language he's using and decide 'Nope, do not want'.
2. Much of the descriptions end up on the cutting room floor.
3. Foreshadowed Ahpuchtzin a bit more.
And some other stuff, but this is the most notable of the changes.
You're the best, guys!
Charlie
Here is what I submitted (So line notes are unnecessary--I'm sure I fucked up but don't need to point it out).
Wrongness in the Water SMF.docx (494.25 KB)
Here's the TL;DR version of the changes in the second draft:
1. Monica Thornburough. She initiates the relationship with Antoine and has a good idea of what's going on with him although chooses to avoid being involved or preventing it--read: she has autonomy (as pointed out by Abi, Julia and Justin--unfortunately Abi, I put her and Antoine in a FWB situation to explain their constant exposure to each other--and to her lack of emotional reaction to his slow transformation--and as a Mayanist, she would realize the language he's using and decide 'Nope, do not want'.
2. Much of the descriptions end up on the cutting room floor.
3. Foreshadowed Ahpuchtzin a bit more.
And some other stuff, but this is the most notable of the changes.
You're the best, guys!
Charlie