Cipactli (sending it out soon)

[Charlie Allison]

Gentlemen!

I've been working on this for a little bit--and am hoping to send it out to be published. A lot of you have already given me excellent feedback and I've made some minor changes for ease of reading, tone and consistency. Three things I'm worried about:
-Is the story entertaining?
-Is it clear that drawing the events that caused his trauma is basically therapy for Ethan?
-Are the visuals strong enough to keep in and depend on for this medium? Does Ethan vanish behind the imagery he draws--become less interesting, a drag on the story? Is Ethan an offputting name--I meant to use it to show cross-cultural influence from the Vasiri and firmly establish this as a fantasy culture and not historical fiction.

Hope to hear from you soon and thanks for reading!

Charlie

Cipactli d4.docx (17.74 KB)

[justin1023]

Charlie, 

I love this draft. So much cleaner. You've made a couple additions that I absolutely adore. Here's one of them: 


Apparently Ethan’s more familiar childhood deities were lower-key than the Resplendent Sunlord and would accept workmanlike auto sacrifice over the pomp and theatre of a priest-led affair.


I think that was a new addition at least!

I actually don't have any notes besides to take a look at my lines notes for a couple minor grammar tweaks. Besides that, you're ready to submit!

Attachments:

Cipactli d4.pdf (167.75 KB)