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Post by Charlie Allison on May 21, 2016 19:38:31 GMT
Flash Fiction RAIN.pdf (19.1 KB) Flash Fiction RAIN.pdf (19.1 KB) This is my first stab, ladies and gents, at flash fiction. Let me know what can be improved or what worked in particular for you. I was aiming for the conclusion of a story, with a somewhat eerie and 'dream logic' feel to it. By those parameters, did I succeed? if not, how can I create this mood?
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Post by justin1023 on May 23, 2016 2:23:20 GMT
This is my first stab, ladies and gents, at flash fiction. Let me know what can be improved or what worked in particular for you. I was aiming for the conclusion of a story, with a somewhat eerie and 'dream logic' feel to it. By those parameters, did I succeed? if not, how can I create this mood? The more I think about this, the more I think it's important to know what Margarita is giving up in return for the rain to come. You've told me privately of what "jeweled water" means. But maybe the ending your looking for lies in making Margarita's sacrifice (assuming it is a sacrifice of some sort) more clear? |
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Post by Charlie Allison on May 23, 2016 12:43:49 GMT
Hmm. I guess the knife isn't quite enough to evoke sacrifice, auto-or otherwise. Even still, I took some liberties--in the days of the Aztec empire, children were drowned on the top of Tlaloc's temple--their tears were supposed to symbolize the coming rains. *Shivers*
I'll try adjusting the focus. Maybe something like:
'Margarita slumped--jeweled water joined the vanishing ice cube...etc'. Enough to imply death or injury without stating it, as well as implying the origins of the water.
Btw, Justin, love the Cormac Mcarthy inspired profile image.
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Post by justin1023 on May 25, 2016 2:06:01 GMT
Hmm. I guess the knife isn't quite enough to evoke sacrifice, auto-or otherwise. Even still, I took some liberties--in the days of the Aztec empire, children were drowned on the top of Tlaloc's temple--their tears were supposed to symbolize the coming rains. *Shivers* I'll try adjusting the focus. Maybe something like: 'Margarita slumped--jeweled water joined the vanishing ice cube...etc'. Enough to imply death or injury without stating it, as well as implying the origins of the water. Btw, Justin, love the Cormac Mcarthy inspired profile image. I think that's a good plan! And yes, I'm going all No Country For Old Men for the summer  |
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Post by Rie Webster on May 28, 2016 19:24:47 GMT
That *might* work but you might want to be slightly more explicit. Most people are unfamiliar with the Aztecs, other than knowing they existed. Without that background knowledge, its difficult to determine exactly what is happening.
Edit: you may want to bring the knife into play a little more prominently.
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Post by Charlie Allison on May 28, 2016 20:05:34 GMT
Got it--second draft on the way!
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